dolt

put the penis in there
then see how we chop it off
it's a nice surprise -- see!
now you try.

i very gently engage the handle
and with one effortless snip
i am become a whole woman

with blood on the floor
and a chopped off penis
i put it in the bin on the way out
'enjoy your new life'
the nice attendant says

i walk through town
leaving a trail of blood
idly looking in the window of a few shops

when i notice he's looking at me
the hairy man with a red nose
(i can see him in the reflection)

i start to run but it's getting late
he just keeps following i catch a quick look
think he has a knife in his hand

so i start trotting and rush towards a bar
press in through the door
it's warm inside i sit down and order

a gin and tonic. but then i notice everyone looking
groups of guys, there's blood all over my legs
of course so i finish my drink

and open my handbag and grab my phone
then quickly call the number
which is the number of the bomb

and the entire bar explodes killing everyone
except me as it is a special man bomb
(it only kills men as it targets dicks) so i am quite safe

walking over the entrails and broken glass
i nearly slip in my new high heels
but steady myself on a piece of man's jugular hanging from the window

it's not a very firm support
but it'll do for a few seconds
while i regain control

post hoe day

so the party that no one wanted to win won
'no one' the ones that matter
the others matter too but we will take care of them
they don't need to matter
in the great equilibrium
we would have took care of them
in our safari park
but they voted for the farmer party
the party with the big mysterious shiny factory
in the Cayman islands
we are all different kinds of cattle, ultimately
but some cattle just seem to like the farmer
i admire their sacrifice
it is easier to sacrifice of course while looking at a trinket
the farmer party has the best trinkets
tossing them into the herd
as the calves are led away
tossing them into the herd
as the calves and then the rest of us
are led away to the mincing machine

Beelzebub in the bathtub

Jesus sitting in the bath

putting on an ointment

i ask him "is it ok to be

jesus or would you rather

be beelzebub"

he answers (after a while)

better to be Jesus

but beelzebub has his merits

he runs a tighter shop than me

his profits are higher

he has a better earnings to price ratio

his hires more staff

Jesus trails off

"what ointment is that?" i ask

oh it's just some lube

he says

and after that we became lovers for the rest of all time (actually not that long!)

share the love

share the love around
if you have some love to share
if you have no love
then here's some of mine to share

now sink your teeth in deeply
till the blood comes out
till your gums are bleeding
till the world burns out

burning fast and spinning
like a dying clothes dryer
share the love it's fleeting
and the world is getting dryer

the poems are getting wetter
the lives are getting shorter
the poems are certainly better
their lives are certainly shorter

i bought a little piece of the world
it cost a lot of money
but it's an investment
i'll sell it and get more money

banal i know & i love it
here's some more to share
and here's some more of my love
i really like to share it

they say there is a deficit
of love to go around
but it's not so, not at all
my love is all over these burning grounds

cut your teeth baby
my love is hot as rock
don't turn away,
my love is gonna rock
my love is gonna rock

sponsored by the totally fucked party