neon infidel (fragment)

needing to explain
i find myself in a strange bar
blacked out windows, neon over the
bottles of absinthe, a man with a scar
i ask if i can speak to the person
in charge - man points a door at
the back painted with the insignia
a green stripe a sign 'space agency'
hangs over it
i give him a tip he says thanks

door handle broken swings open anyway
a sort of suction from the dark room
within a smell of sweaty palms
noise of knucklebones cracking a
lightbulb burning over a blue table
pieces of chalk "is this where i
can find b__" i ask to some human figures
in a corner - no answer - perhaps they
are unconscious try to make out
what else is in the room
then the door slams behind from
sudden gust of wind and the light goes out

i am baptised
the air beaten out of my lungs
my face confused dissolves into blood
among fists jackboots knives
sound of cracking bone - my bone
my eye hangs on a string i try to catch it
a billiard ball in a sock
in my hand my fingers get smashed into my face
blinding bright light explodes in my head

and i remember what it was like
in orbit
at 100,000ft a thin blue line
divides the stars and the planet
an umbilicus connects me to a white balloon
my skin swelling to twice its size
the sound of static fills a radio in my ears
breathing shards of tokyo glass
the air burning like a power saw
bursting out of the top of my skull
it is bliss, all is bliss, and weightlessness

i need to explain, give me another shot
a submarine plunging down my throat,
we need to clarify things my friend
this balloon - it was never meant for you
we are all friends there has been a misunderstanding
the space program is safe in the hands of
the corporation i think there has been an accident
which got you involved in all of this
i am glad we have managed to rectify things
we are all friends here - opens his arms
and the strangers around the blue table all nod
and chalk their cues

i am let back out onto the street
with 500 dollars for a taxi but impossible to
find at this time of night so i amble downtown
the hurricane has left a trail of destruction
broken windows but there has been no looting
i look up at the clear sky
where a thousand dots whir among the stars
and i think of my white balloon
still floating free up there somewhere
then swoon down onto the pavement
as my lungs collapse into a pink foam